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hello darlings,

I have decided to make a Tumblr account. I did this because it just seems more fitting for me and what I am trying to accomplish. It would be amazing if you guys could check it out. My handle is reneemparado.tumblr.com. I hope to see you there.

-Renee M.

xx

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Bettering One’s Self

Soka University of America believes that their students should live “contributive” lives, meaning that life should be lived in a way where the way you experience things and the way that you do things every day should capture the essence of your true being. A contributive life is neither solely independent nor dependent; it is a balance.

The Law of Attraction is the belief that if you think positive or negative thoughts you will attract positive or negative experiences. I have always had trouble being positive in life and it is a fatal flaw that has only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I want to change that. I firmly believe that the first step to “recovery” or “rehabilitation” is assessment and acceptance. So here I will list where all my negativity starts, and here is where it will hopefully end.

  • I focus too much on material things, such as money, clothes, and likes/dislikes on social media
  • I am a people-pleaser, and I often forget about my own needs in the constant and fatal task of pursuing praise from anyone, whether it be my teachers, parents, or peers
  • I am not very self-confident which leads me to become envious in others
  • I over think, whether it be about the future or the present.

I want to live a contributive life. Here is where I begin.

Grunion Run

You picked me up at nine o’clock in the evening. We ventured into the night and drove to Seal Beach in Long Beach, California.

We got there.

We waited.

You held me in your embrace while the cold, crisp air nipped at our cheeks. The beach was quiet and dark.

Eleven o’clock creeped up.

They came. At first, one by one. Then by midnight there were too many to count. These fish called “grunions” were wiggling onto the shore and breeding, creating a new generation.

We laughed. We thought it was insane because it was fish on land.

The night became warm as we sunk our feet into the wet sand.

We were together, with the weird grunion fish, under the moonlight at midnight.

June Gloom

I am sitting in my room right now. The blue sky outside my window is shaded with clouds of grey. The sunshine is poking through, relentlessly attempting to be seen and felt.

I am at a point in my life where the world is beckoning me on every corner. I have a hard time believing that I will turn out okay at times. This June Gloom takes over once in a while. My bright prospect gets overtaken with clouds of grey. My horizons start to look foggy.

I talked with an old family friend last night well into the hours of the early morning. I told her about this June Gloom. I told her about my worries. I told her about my struggles. She, being wiser and older and more experienced, told me that life will unfold the way it’s supposed to. She told me that I will be who I was born to be. She told me that happiness must come first.

I am a firm believer that the universe works in mysterious ways and that everything happens for a reason. Reconnecting with this old family friend and talking to her about what has been weighing down on my mind came at the right time. It came when I needed it the most. I know this June Gloom will wear away. I know I will be okay.